3 ways to set effective boundaries
Today, I’d like to reflect on what it means to create and uphold boundaries that are aligned with our values and that serve us to create a more impactful and balanced life.
If it’s not a ‘hell yes’, then it’s a no
Let’s start by looking at this topic from a professional point of view. Many of you might be working on multiple projects or with multiple clients. But what process do you go through before you decide what project or client to accept and which one you don’t want to get involved in? I fully appreciate that sometimes, you don’t have control over this, especially if you work for someone or work on someone else’s project. But even in this situation, it’s important to be aware of your boundaries and only do what you consider a ‘hell yes’ when it comes to these working relationships. Here you can ask yourself the following questions: When am I available and when can I not be reached? How can my co-workers, project partners or clients get in touch with me? What are my expectations and what are theirs as part of this working relationship?
Taking some time to answer these questions at the start of each involvement is really useful. Whenever I start a working relationship having clear answers to these questions, I notice that the process is going to be much smoother and more fulfilling in comparison to the times when I didn’t ask myself these questions.
When answering these questions, it’s also important to observe which state you are in. Are you saying yes to a project or working relationship because you feel obliged to work with them? If the answer is yes, and provided you have control over the engagement, make a conscious decision on how you want to proceed.
Prioritise play and rest
When setting boundaries, it’s important to notice that we all have a life outside of work. As much as you may love what you do, it’s vital to make time for play and rest if you want to do what you are doing for a very long time and don’t want to burn out in the process.
For me, the difficulty to say no is something that often arises when considering new projects because I’d like to do and be involved in many things at the same time. But this isn’t always the wisest and healthiest thing to do and it leaves little room for play and rest. Luckily, my body will often give me clues that I need to slow down — having several restless nights because my thoughts are keeping me up or continuous headaches. Then, it’s my responsibility to listen. It’s an invitation to step back and sometimes even leave a project.
If, like me, you often struggle to prioritise play and rest, start by making a list of things you want to do or would love to try outside of work. Maybe it’s an activity that you used to enjoy as a child or teenager, maybe it’s something you’ve never done before but always wanted to. This list should get you excited and encourage you to make space for quality leisure time. And next time, when you find yourself with some spare time on your hands, just pick an activity from your list rather than continuing to work late into the night or on weekends.
Also, don’t forget to build in enough rest. It starts with quality sleep and continues during your day with the number of breaks you take. Breaks to nap, to go for a walk or do nothing at all. The interesting thing is that your work will greatly benefit from this too as you will start the day refreshed and you are also able to recharge your energy levels throughout the day.
Talk to your loved ones
And finally, let’s look at setting boundaries with the people who are closest to you — this could be the people you live with, your family, partner/s and friends.
Working from home or working for yourself can often come with assumptions from other people that you have more time on your hands and can be more flexible to do the housework, food shopping or run other errands. These, after all, are only assumptions or unexpressed expectations. It can make you feel obliged to do certain things or turn into guilt.
For me, this came up recently during my weekly stays with my grandmother. My mother expected me to do various tasks while I was with my grandmother — tasks which would have taken me all afternoon and evening. This was during my working hours, but since in her eyes I work for myself and can arrange my time how I like, she didn’t see the issue. So I found myself in the dilemma of wanting to help but it often meant that I had to leave work unfinished which I would carry into the evenings or weekends. I had to address and openly talk about what I’m prepared to do and what I can’t do. Now, I go to see here once a week in the early evening, stay overnight and leave the next morning. I will get my work done before I see her and when I’m with her, I will be able to be fully present and help her with whatever she needs.
If you are faced with a similar situation, I encourage you to set your boundaries too — it’s magical to see what it can do for your relationship with your loved ones and how it can positively impact your working life too.
How do you set boundaries in your personal and professional life? Do they work for you? With whom do you find it hardest to set boundaries, with yourself or with others?
